And the fact that the relocated caliper now needs more fluid relieved in order to regain wheel slip somehow *won't* screw with the ABS?
You're leaving out the pressure torque relationship - it's not simply "on-off". It's a matter of the ABS knowing how much time to relieve pressure on the caliper to allow the wheel to start rotating again.
Your powers are useless! I'm wearing my tinfoil underwear!